Modern Day Family Pt2

Blended Families face Unique Challenges

The image of the traditional American family — the nuclear family of the Clevers and Huxtables — was once limited to mom, dad, and children living happily together under roof. Today the notion of a typical family has gradually expanded to included blended families of stepparents and stepchildren, like the Bradys and the Kardashians.

Blended families are one of the fastest growing segments of families in the United States, but unlike the nicely packaged problems seen on Television, these families struggle with issues that are anything but easy.  Major issues that newly blended families face include integrating discipline styles and coping with strong emotions, while at the same time building new relationships from scratch.

“It’s hard to step out of that role – am I a friend or am I a parent? But as an adult, you’re the parent, you have to discipline because there are going to be times that they’re with you alone,” said New York psychologist Dr. Janet Taylor in an interview with “Good Morning America.”

“Come from a nurturing standpoint, where you teach them responsibility, but do it from a place of love.”

Yes, love is a key factor but the major role begins with the new couple and what they have agreed upon before they said I do.  If you begin to look at why the child or children are acting out, you may have a better understand on how to solve the issues at hand.  First they have suffered a great loss in loosing the other parent and secondly adjustment doesn’t come over night.  Continue to esteem your mate but at the same time don’t stop showing affection for all your children.

David A. Harris-Gavin

 

 

Worry Makes One Weak

Stop allowing someone or something to take your strength away.

A Measure of Grace

My biological mother passed some 14 years ago and during her sickness my stepmother always made herself available.  Now, I’m older, wiser and truly understand the importance of family.

My stepmother loves me unconditionally just like the Lord; despite my faults.  Now, it’s my turn to be a blessing to her by assisting my half-siblings to care give for her.  Oh, what a blessing…

Can you forget about yourself and bless a family member in spite of how they may have treated you growing up?  Just a thought!

Blended Family Barrier

Blended families have several challenges and barriers.  One serious problem that escalates out of control is the way the new husband and wife feels about their kid(s).   Better known as the Kid Factor!  Each is committed to his or her own flesh and blood, while they’re merely acquainted with the other(s).  The problem is when kid(s) sense tension between the parents, they will use it as an opportunity to exploit the situation to their advantage.  Therefore, set boundaries for both sets of siblings.  Discuss between husband and wife who should handle the discipline and how.  Then share these new rules with everyone.  I like to call the Barrier Dissolver!  Just remember love is the key to barrier breaker.

Stop being a hostage

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” ― George Bernard Shaw

For decades there have been hidden within families skeletons dancing around seeking freedom.  When will the day come that you will set yours free?

Remember, your enemy can’t hold you hostage if all your skeletons are out of the closet…..

Can you hear me?

Do you really know what your family members are thinking on a regular bases?  Are you even listening to them?  Do you hear them?  Someone near you may be saying thinking this right now.  However, you may never know because society has minimize family time.  When we spend quality time together we can actually hear whats on one anthers hearts.  When was the last time your family had dinner, an outing, or even prayer together.  Just wondering!  One of the main keys in relationship building is communication.  Can you hear me?  

Investing time for Love

“Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment…’dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love — which is to transform us.’ Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.”
― bell hooks

True love is not a fantasy, drug and more than a good feeling.  As we invest time in others the dividends are far greater.  True love is priceless!

 

Marriage is not Just a ring or another social gathering

Neither is marriage to be view as a social convenience nor simply an invention for living together.  It is ordained by God to be a covenant vow of companionship and mutual complement  (Genesis 2:18, 22-21; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:3-6), and it is meant to keep you set apart in your physical relationship for one another.

The Word of God also gives instruction’s to love your spouse (Ephesians 5:25); as yourself.  If you are a believer in Christ even if your spouse never practices biblical love, you can still be at peace (Psalm 119:165) and can do your part to bring about harmony in your home.  But remember you first need to examine yourself before you examine your spouse (Matthew 7:1-5).  After seventeen years wife my wife I realize that marriage is truly about dying to your flesh daily.    Have you die to your flesh today?

Domestic Violence

A few weeks ago a mother in my area was killed outside of her place of employment by her ex-husband.  It made me stop and think how many people are living in fear day to day or moment by moment for their lives.  If this is you, today can be the beginning of a new day for you!  Take these few words to heart…..  You no longer have to live as a prisoner in your home or your mind.  Today, you are release from fear, bondage, being a punching bag, and most importantly being a hostage.  Yes you are FREE!

Domestic violence is physical, mental, sexual, or emotional abuse in an intimate relationship. It occurs when one person uses abusive tactics to gain power and control over a partner or former partner.

Domestic violence hits homes in every community. It has a devastating effect on victims, children, families, and communities.

If you are a victim, you can get help by calling the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic

Violence crisis line toll-free, 24 hours a day at 1-800-650-6522. There are safe shelters across

the state for you and your children, as well as many other services.

There is no excuse for domestic violence. If your spouse engages in one or several of the behaviors listed on this page, it may be an indication that you’re in an abusive relationship, and you should carefully evaluate your relationship and talk with a professional who can help.

Makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells to keep the peace
•
Makes you feel like a prisoner in your own home •
Yells at you frequently and calls you hurtful names •
Is unpredictable or has sudden mood swings
•
Threatens you with violence
•
Breaks or hits things in your presence
•
Gives you hateful or threatening looks
•
Shoves, slaps, or hits you
•
Abuses your children
•
Keeps you from seeing friends or family
•
Hurts your pets
•
Follows you, spies on you, or shows up at your job, school, or friends’ homes
•
Listens to your phone calls or keeps you from using the phone
•
Is forceful with affection and/or sex
•
Accuses you of having affairs
•
Controls all the money and gives
you little or none
•
Keeps you from getting or keeping a job
•
Pushed you to make a commitment before you felt ready
•
Has a history of battering in other relationships •
Gets very angry or upset with you often and then apologizes with gifts, flowers, and promises

Begin to love yourself by getting help today.

*Adapted from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

What’s on your plate?

My wife and I recently had a nice dinner at this fabulous restaurant in the mountains.  As I was glanced over the menu this thought came to mind.

Do you find that there is just not enough time in the day to complete the entire task listed on your calendar.  Have you taken a pause lately to evaluate all that’s on your plate?  Even when a person sits down to prepare to partake in a delightful seven-course meal they automatically have an understanding that each meal course comes in segments.  So, What’s on your plate?  Do you have enough quality time set aside on your plate to spend with your children, mate, work, self, parents, relatives, and friends?  We must not leave out our spiritual time that keeps us balance.  With all that’s going on within the market place re-evaluate today, the type of seven-course meal you are subjecting yourself to on a regular bases.   It’s not that your plate is too small that’s causing your stress.  Maybe, you just need to take some items off of the menu.