Do you really know what your family members are thinking on a regular bases? Are you even listening to them? Do you hear them? Someone near you may be saying thinking this right now. However, you may never know because society has minimize family time. When we spend quality time together we can actually hear whats on one anthers hearts. When was the last time your family had dinner, an outing, or even prayer together. Just wondering! One of the main keys in relationship building is communication. Can you hear me?
Archive for October, 2012
God has a plan for you!
Moses raised another objection to God: “Master, please, I don’t talk well. I’ve never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer.” (Exodus 4:10 MSG)
Just as with Moses so with you! God desires to take your disability and use it for his ability. Remember, God is seeing you as his masterpiece not a broken piece. So arise and do the unthinkable prove the devil to be who he is a liar.
“You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn’t depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family.”
― Trenton Lee Stewart,
Today, I thank God for the blood of Jesus Christ.
“Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment…’dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love — which is to transform us.’ Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.”
― bell hooks
True love is not a fantasy, drug and more than a good feeling. As we invest time in others the dividends are far greater. True love is priceless!
Neither is marriage to be view as a social convenience nor simply an invention for living together. It is ordained by God to be a covenant vow of companionship and mutual complement (Genesis 2:18, 22-21; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:3-6), and it is meant to keep you set apart in your physical relationship for one another.
The Word of God also gives instruction’s to love your spouse (Ephesians 5:25); as yourself. If you are a believer in Christ even if your spouse never practices biblical love, you can still be at peace (Psalm 119:165) and can do your part to bring about harmony in your home. But remember you first need to examine yourself before you examine your spouse (Matthew 7:1-5). After seventeen years wife my wife I realize that marriage is truly about dying to your flesh daily. Have you die to your flesh today?
Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.
Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.￼￼￼￼
There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”
In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse. You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”
Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.
When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.
Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best
of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.