Building stronger bonds by sharing family values

Posts tagged ‘Healthy Marriage’

Dad’s Your Daughters Needs You!


Dads give guidance to their sons and moms guidance their daughters. But particularly as girls mature, they need their dads’ perspective as they approach significant crossroads. Daughters need the benefit of their dads’ life experiences and wisdom as they consider important life decisions and think through possible consequences of their choices.

Your daughter also needs to know that you cherish her as a person and you admire her as a lovely young woman. She isn’t just another person; she is special and unique, and worthy of your attention. She is royalty. Your love maybe what it takes for her not to fade into the shadows of darks wondering around looking for hope. She needs you to be a dad not a stranger perpetrating to be someone he’s not. 

Begin today by loving her with a simple phone call, taking her to lunch or better yet a hug. 

dadhuggingdaughter

 

David A. Harris-Gavin

Blendedfamilyaffair@gmail.com

Modern Day Family Pt2


Blended Families face Unique Challenges

The image of the traditional American family — the nuclear family of the Clevers and Huxtables — was once limited to mom, dad, and children living happily together under roof. Today the notion of a typical family has gradually expanded to included blended families of stepparents and stepchildren, like the Bradys and the Kardashians.

Blended families are one of the fastest growing segments of families in the United States, but unlike the nicely packaged problems seen on Television, these families struggle with issues that are anything but easy.  Major issues that newly blended families face include integrating discipline styles and coping with strong emotions, while at the same time building new relationships from scratch.

“It’s hard to step out of that role – am I a friend or am I a parent? But as an adult, you’re the parent, you have to discipline because there are going to be times that they’re with you alone,” said New York psychologist Dr. Janet Taylor in an interview with “Good Morning America.”

“Come from a nurturing standpoint, where you teach them responsibility, but do it from a place of love.”

Yes, love is a key factor but the major role begins with the new couple and what they have agreed upon before they said I do.  If you begin to look at why the child or children are acting out, you may have a better understand on how to solve the issues at hand.  First they have suffered a great loss in loosing the other parent and secondly adjustment doesn’t come over night.  Continue to esteem your mate but at the same time don’t stop showing affection for all your children.

David A. Harris-Gavin

 

 

Can you hear me?


Do you really know what your family members are thinking on a regular bases?  Are you even listening to them?  Do you hear them?  Someone near you may be saying thinking this right now.  However, you may never know because society has minimize family time.  When we spend quality time together we can actually hear whats on one anthers hearts.  When was the last time your family had dinner, an outing, or even prayer together.  Just wondering!  One of the main keys in relationship building is communication.  Can you hear me?  

Keys To A Healthy Marriage


 Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.

 Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Criticism

There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”

Defensiveness

In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”

Contempt

Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.

Stonewalling

When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in  percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best

of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

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