Building stronger bonds by sharing family values

Posts tagged ‘newly weds’

Modern Day Family Pt2


Blended Families face Unique Challenges

The image of the traditional American family — the nuclear family of the Clevers and Huxtables — was once limited to mom, dad, and children living happily together under roof. Today the notion of a typical family has gradually expanded to included blended families of stepparents and stepchildren, like the Bradys and the Kardashians.

Blended families are one of the fastest growing segments of families in the United States, but unlike the nicely packaged problems seen on Television, these families struggle with issues that are anything but easy.  Major issues that newly blended families face include integrating discipline styles and coping with strong emotions, while at the same time building new relationships from scratch.

“It’s hard to step out of that role – am I a friend or am I a parent? But as an adult, you’re the parent, you have to discipline because there are going to be times that they’re with you alone,” said New York psychologist Dr. Janet Taylor in an interview with “Good Morning America.”

“Come from a nurturing standpoint, where you teach them responsibility, but do it from a place of love.”

Yes, love is a key factor but the major role begins with the new couple and what they have agreed upon before they said I do.  If you begin to look at why the child or children are acting out, you may have a better understand on how to solve the issues at hand.  First they have suffered a great loss in loosing the other parent and secondly adjustment doesn’t come over night.  Continue to esteem your mate but at the same time don’t stop showing affection for all your children.

David A. Harris-Gavin

 

 

Advertisements

Blended Family Barrier


Blended families have several challenges and barriers.  One serious problem that escalates out of control is the way the new husband and wife feels about their kid(s).   Better known as the Kid Factor!  Each is committed to his or her own flesh and blood, while they’re merely acquainted with the other(s).  The problem is when kid(s) sense tension between the parents, they will use it as an opportunity to exploit the situation to their advantage.  Therefore, set boundaries for both sets of siblings.  Discuss between husband and wife who should handle the discipline and how.  Then share these new rules with everyone.  I like to call the Barrier Dissolver!  Just remember love is the key to barrier breaker.

My Hero


My hero is not an athletic, actor or artist but my grandfather.
In every family there is someone we can admire as our hero.  My grandfather was  just that kind of person.  He was a hard working family man who laid a foundation of life principles and lessons on  how to turn your struggles into success.  Every generation have been touch in one way or another by these core values.
Love – Everyone at there need level
Strength – In the mist of adversity
Tenacity – I never quite attitude
My hero left a legacy of  what  a husband, Godly man, father, and community leader looks like.  Who is your hero?

You’re not alone


Here’s good news just for you.  In every blended family their is drama.   How much drama does your family have?  Because you’re not alone……

Investing time for Love


“Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment…’dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love — which is to transform us.’ Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.”
― bell hooks

True love is not a fantasy, drug and more than a good feeling.  As we invest time in others the dividends are far greater.  True love is priceless!

 

Marriage is not Just a ring or another social gathering


Neither is marriage to be view as a social convenience nor simply an invention for living together.  It is ordained by God to be a covenant vow of companionship and mutual complement  (Genesis 2:18, 22-21; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:3-6), and it is meant to keep you set apart in your physical relationship for one another.

The Word of God also gives instruction’s to love your spouse (Ephesians 5:25); as yourself.  If you are a believer in Christ even if your spouse never practices biblical love, you can still be at peace (Psalm 119:165) and can do your part to bring about harmony in your home.  But remember you first need to examine yourself before you examine your spouse (Matthew 7:1-5).  After seventeen years wife my wife I realize that marriage is truly about dying to your flesh daily.    Have you die to your flesh today?

Keys To A Healthy Marriage


 Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.

 Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Criticism

There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”

Defensiveness

In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”

Contempt

Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.

Stonewalling

When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in  percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best

of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Tag Cloud