Building stronger bonds by sharing family values

Posts tagged ‘remarriage’

A Healthy Remarriage 


The first step to a healthy remarriage is you. Is this a surprise? Life wounds all of us. The losses, disappointments and hurts of life will not heal themselves—you must choose to heal. In fact, you will not grow until healing has taken place—and this takes time. (From the book, “Looking Before You Leap … Again!”)

Dad’s Your Daughters Needs You!


Dads give guidance to their sons and moms guidance their daughters. But particularly as girls mature, they need their dads’ perspective as they approach significant crossroads. Daughters need the benefit of their dads’ life experiences and wisdom as they consider important life decisions and think through possible consequences of their choices.

Your daughter also needs to know that you cherish her as a person and you admire her as a lovely young woman. She isn’t just another person; she is special and unique, and worthy of your attention. She is royalty. Your love maybe what it takes for her not to fade into the shadows of darks wondering around looking for hope. She needs you to be a dad not a stranger perpetrating to be someone he’s not. 

Begin today by loving her with a simple phone call, taking her to lunch or better yet a hug. 

dadhuggingdaughter

 

David A. Harris-Gavin

Blendedfamilyaffair@gmail.com

The Prodigal Son


Your son will return but will you receive him with open arms.  The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) gives us God’s response to a rebellious child. Possibly the hardest guideline to follow in this story is how the father allowed his son to take his inheritance and make his own choices. He did not run after his son and beg him to return, nor did he continually berate him for his foolish ways. His son was of age and solely responsible for his actions (Deuteronomy 24:16, Proverbs 1:29-31). This doesn’t mean that the father didn’t love his son. In verse 20 we are told that he saw his son returning from along way off. This implies that his father was watching for his son daily, dearly hoping for him to return and repent. This is not easy but, if we have shared the Gospel and the instructions that the Bible has given us with our children, the final decision to live a Godly life lies with each individual.

 

A Measure of Grace


My biological mother passed some 14 years ago and during her sickness my stepmother always made herself available.  Now, I’m older, wiser and truly understand the importance of family.

My stepmother loves me unconditionally just like the Lord; despite my faults.  Now, it’s my turn to be a blessing to her by assisting my half-siblings to care give for her.  Oh, what a blessing…

Can you forget about yourself and bless a family member in spite of how they may have treated you growing up?  Just a thought!

Blended Family Barrier


Blended families have several challenges and barriers.  One serious problem that escalates out of control is the way the new husband and wife feels about their kid(s).   Better known as the Kid Factor!  Each is committed to his or her own flesh and blood, while they’re merely acquainted with the other(s).  The problem is when kid(s) sense tension between the parents, they will use it as an opportunity to exploit the situation to their advantage.  Therefore, set boundaries for both sets of siblings.  Discuss between husband and wife who should handle the discipline and how.  Then share these new rules with everyone.  I like to call the Barrier Dissolver!  Just remember love is the key to barrier breaker.

Overcoming Holiday Blues


During this holiday season that’s mean’t for rejoicing, fun and quality family time.   Being in a blended family with all its different facets can bring on the blues and  unneeded stress.
Here are some suggestions:
1.    Don’t take on others problems.
2.  Have everyone in the family Participate.
3.  Love overcomes all situations.
4.  Find something you love and that’s relaxing to do.

Stop being a hostage


“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” ― George Bernard Shaw

For decades there have been hidden within families skeletons dancing around seeking freedom.  When will the day come that you will set yours free?

Remember, your enemy can’t hold you hostage if all your skeletons are out of the closet…..

Can you hear me?


Do you really know what your family members are thinking on a regular bases?  Are you even listening to them?  Do you hear them?  Someone near you may be saying thinking this right now.  However, you may never know because society has minimize family time.  When we spend quality time together we can actually hear whats on one anthers hearts.  When was the last time your family had dinner, an outing, or even prayer together.  Just wondering!  One of the main keys in relationship building is communication.  Can you hear me?  

Marriage is not Just a ring or another social gathering


Neither is marriage to be view as a social convenience nor simply an invention for living together.  It is ordained by God to be a covenant vow of companionship and mutual complement  (Genesis 2:18, 22-21; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:3-6), and it is meant to keep you set apart in your physical relationship for one another.

The Word of God also gives instruction’s to love your spouse (Ephesians 5:25); as yourself.  If you are a believer in Christ even if your spouse never practices biblical love, you can still be at peace (Psalm 119:165) and can do your part to bring about harmony in your home.  But remember you first need to examine yourself before you examine your spouse (Matthew 7:1-5).  After seventeen years wife my wife I realize that marriage is truly about dying to your flesh daily.    Have you die to your flesh today?

Keys To A Healthy Marriage


 Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.

 Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Criticism

There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”

Defensiveness

In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”

Contempt

Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.

Stonewalling

When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in  percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best

of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

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