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Posts tagged ‘unpleasant side’

Keys To A Healthy Marriage


 Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.

 Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Criticism

There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”

Defensiveness

In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”

Contempt

Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.

Stonewalling

When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in  percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best

of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

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What’s on your plate?


My wife and I recently had a nice dinner at this fabulous restaurant in the mountains.  As I was glanced over the menu this thought came to mind.

Do you find that there is just not enough time in the day to complete the entire task listed on your calendar.  Have you taken a pause lately to evaluate all that’s on your plate?  Even when a person sits down to prepare to partake in a delightful seven-course meal they automatically have an understanding that each meal course comes in segments.  So, What’s on your plate?  Do you have enough quality time set aside on your plate to spend with your children, mate, work, self, parents, relatives, and friends?  We must not leave out our spiritual time that keeps us balance.  With all that’s going on within the market place re-evaluate today, the type of seven-course meal you are subjecting yourself to on a regular bases.   It’s not that your plate is too small that’s causing your stress.  Maybe, you just need to take some items off of the menu.

Searching for love!


Searching for love in all the wrong places.  We look for love in men, women, money, work, material things but today I’m suggesting just look for love in one place or the other: in yourself  or in God if not both.  I have found that the love of God never fails.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

Forgive Me Not!


Are you holding onto unforgiveness? When you think about one being confined.  It has the same similarities of one being in prison for a crime or awaiting trial.  One of my children came to me and said thank you dad for teaching me how to forgive.  For its better to be at peace then to allow someone else to not only hold the key to your freedom but to also imprison you for something that was not in your control.

There are many people in society that will never accept our apology or forgiveness, just give it to God and move forward.  You are loved by many, special, gifted, unique, and most of all God has forgiven you.

 

Unpleasant Changes


When things don’t go our way, we typically go through stages, which are a normal part of the coping and healing process.

1. Denial—”It can’t be,” It can’t happen to me,” “It’s not true”…. The first stage of reaction to any sudden, unexpected event tends to be denial. Denial is normal if it lasts a short time, but persistent denial is unhealthy because it blocks further growth and healing.

2. Anger/Blame—”Whose fault is it?,” “This makes me mad,” “This isn’t fair,” “Why me?” The second stage of reaction looks backward in hopes of finding the cause and someone or something to blame it on. Although nothing can be done at this point to change the past, it’s nevertheless a normal response. Like the stage of denial before it, the anger/blame stage is unhealthy if it persists for an unreasonable amount of time.

3. Despair—This stage tends to be characterized by tears, negative and hopeless/helpless thoughts, and a feeling of total emptiness and loss. Sleep and eating disturbances are common as the “reality” of the situation sets in. Relationships with other people can become more difficult at this time, but understanding and compassion must be given and accepted if one is to move beyond this stage. Stephen R. Yarnall, MD

Change is inevitable but its how you deal with change that will make you a success or a failure.  If you’re right now on the unpleasant side of the balance scale you have the power to tip the scale the other side toward pleasant. Dahg

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