Building stronger bonds by sharing family values

Posts tagged ‘woman’

Family Prayer


There is a pressing need for marriages today.

Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.
Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology

The book of Hebrews assures us that in Jesus Christ we have a high priest who sympathizes with us in our circumstances: Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need—Hebrews 4:16 (ESV).
Will you draw near the throne with us to lift up today’s families through prayer.

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Fear


What you are afraid of is never as bad as what you imagine. The fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation that actually exists.

Abuse is Real pt2


“There were probably many factors that kept the relationship going and kept your love alive. There were all his promises. “I promise this will never happen again.” You believed him the first time. And the second. As the abuse continued, he became increasingly remorseful, his promises more insistent. You continued to believe him; you wanted to believe him. After all, you loved him. 

Then there were all the apologies. He seemed truly sorry. You forgave him. Now, however, when you think back, you realize the apologies were conditional. They blamed you! “I’m sorry, but if only you hadn’t…” They always made his abuse somehow your fault. You may have begun to believe this, and you may even remember apologizing to him. You began to believe that if you were careful about what you said or did, you could prevent the abuse from happening again. As the abuse escalated over time, the blaming became more obvious. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but if you just weren’t so [stupid, ugly, careless, dumb, etc.], this would never have happened.” Time after time you were made to believe that every act of violence or abuse was your fault. Day after day you were made to feel that you were unworthy of him.” 
― Meg Kennedy DuganIt’s My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence

Take pride in who you are.  Domestic Violence goes both ways.  Begin to respect yourself today!

Keys To A Healthy Marriage


 Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.

 Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Criticism

There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”

Defensiveness

In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”

Contempt

Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.

Stonewalling

When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in  percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best

of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

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