Who Disciplines Which Kids?

Who Disciplines Which Kids? It is usually easier and more natural for the biological parent to discipline his or her own child/children. However, some couples do share responsibility for discipline. REMEMBER: each child is unique and will react to discipline in different ways, whether applied by the parent or step-parent.

Be kind and patient when applying discipline, but not indulgent. Set firm limits without anger or spite. Make sure to let the child know that he or she is valued, but misbehavior is not acceptable. Even in a nuclear family, children will test limits, so when a stepchild says, “You can’t tell me what do; you’re not my parent,” try to avoid an angry power struggle. State your position and stick to it, preferably with the support of your partner.

Dad’s Your Daughters Needs You!

Dads give guidance to their sons and moms guidance their daughters. But particularly as girls mature, they need their dads’ perspective as they approach significant crossroads. Daughters need the benefit of their dads’ life experiences and wisdom as they consider important life decisions and think through possible consequences of their choices.

Your daughter also needs to know that you cherish her as a person and you admire her as a lovely young woman. She isn’t just another person; she is special and unique, and worthy of your attention. She is royalty. Your love maybe what it takes for her not to fade into the shadows of darks wondering around looking for hope. She needs you to be a dad not a stranger perpetrating to be someone he’s not. 

Begin today by loving her with a simple phone call, taking her to lunch or better yet a hug. 

 

David A. Harris-Gavin

Blendedfamilyaffair@gmail.com

Keys To A Healthy Marriage

 Throughout your marriage, pay particular attention to the following four behaviors (The Big Red Flags), which are considered to be especially destructive and predictive of marital failure.

 Be on alert for the big red flags: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

Criticism

There’s a big difference between complaining and criticizing. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, such as “I’m angry you didn’t put your clothes in the hamper.” But a criticism goes the next step and assigns a character trait, such as “You’re so lazy!”

Defensiveness

In response to a complaint, it might seem natural to defend yourself. But rather than defuse the attack, this response usually escalates it. Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your spouse.  You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”

Contempt

Too much negativity leads to conversations full of sarcasm, cynicism, and mockery. Contempt is poisonous to a relationship. It conveys disgust, and it eats away at any good in the relationship.

Stonewalling

When there’s no hope of progress, one partner (the man in  percent of cases) simply tunes out. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t even appear to hear. Stonewalling usually arrives last. It represents a deadly disconnection.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sneak into even the best

of relationships. Undoubtedly, an occasional snipe at one’s spouse will occur at some point in the marriage, but be on alert—if a conscious effort is not made to stop these behaviors, they create a cycle of negativity that becomes increasingly destructive and difficult to stop. * Adapted from Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Verbal Abuse Doesn’t Just Harm You!

Parents often overlook the fact that there children not only believe the words they speak, but repeat them as well. Siblings will find themselves verbal abusing each other as well as being the victim of verbal abuse as part of their normal activity.

They believe it’s acceptable since they are taking their cues from the parents. Unfortunately, the experiences siblings learn within relationships at home are the same experiences they will bring to relationships outside the home. However, if you take charge now, you can make changes that will positively affect your children’s overall understanding of what constitutes a healthy relationship. What type of environment are you setting for your children?